Some things going on.....

Today was one of those bitter/sweet days for me. Josh had therapy with the OT at the Rehab for Primary Children's. Today was the first day that she worked on non-eating sensory issues. We went into a therapy room with all kinds of equipment, swings, toys, ect. He had a hard time just walking around since there were gymnastic mats out all over. He tripped and fell several times. Tera (his therapist) got him on a swing and he flipped out. This kid LOVES to swing, so you could tell just how uncomfortable he was. Even though we didn't do a whole lot, I still felt like it was productive. Tera taught me how to do the tactile brushing and massaging to help him with his sensory issues. She also gave me some really good ideas on how I can help him get the sensory input he needs in the most productive way. He is really struggling right now with sensory things and it is something I don't know much about.

And after giving the braces a break about three weeks ago, look what is back.........

Yep. The braces. He was tippytoe walking so bad and both his OT and PT with Early Intervention noticed....so we had to get them back out. (although his are blue in case you are wondering!) He is doing much better, less falling ect. so it is good. But I had a hard time with it this time. I just wanted SOMETHING to be going good, or for one part of all this to be done. I know it won't be forever and he will probably just need a few more months but it was still disappointing.

After therapy we went to pick up Jordan at my friend London's house. One of the other ladies from our ward was there with her son that is only a couple weeks younger than Josh. He is such an adorable little boy and I see him in nursery every week. He was climbing all over the playset outside and having alot of fun. It must have been the mood I was in today, because it made me so sad to see Josh having a hard time walking in the backyard, not able to climb onto anything and not able to pick up the big truck they were playing with. For the first time I just felt like I had to get out of there. I don't usually have this problem since I am in nursery with Josh and other kids his age and see this all the time. But for some reason today it hit me like a load of bricks.

We are having some pretty big struggles with Trevor right now that is making me second guess everything I do as a mother. I wonder at times if I am doing the best I can be, or if I need to try harder. I know that everyone goes through this and I am no different, but I feel like I am running blindly as fast as I can and hoping I don't run off the road. There is so much about Trevor and Josh I don't know and at times I wonder if I am doing a good job. I sometimes wonder how I ended up with two special needs kids that are so dependent on me for so much.

Anyway, I didn't mean to ramble on so much. It was just one of those days that I looked at Josh and saw all the things he still needs to learn just to function in the world. It was an overwhelming day and I am glad I can go to bed tonight and wake up with a brand new start tomorrow.