Saturday, September 20, 2008

Any advice???

Jordan has started to ask a lot of questions (as if you don't know already!). The last week or so though, they have taken an interesting turn. I have been wondering how to answer these and thought that maybe I could get some advice from anyone who reads our blog.

Jordan has been discovering that there is something different about his brothers and wants to know what and why. He knows now that Josh takes up a lot of my time, but he is finally figuring out that most kids Josh's age don't do the stuff he does. So he has been asking if Josh is sick, or if why he can't walk or eat himself. His little friend Roman has a sister Josh's age that does all that and he just figured it out. So I have been trying to explain to a four year old about developmental delays and why he needs so much help. It's been hard trying to find a way to explain to him what is wrong. Especially when we don't really know ourselves. I can just say he has problems and we are waiting to get into some special doctors that can help him get better. So if you have any advice on how to possibly relate to a 4 year old, or just have an idea... please tell me!

Then if that is not hard enough, he has really started to ask questions about Trevor. He knows that Trevor has Autism, but has no idea what it is or anything. We told him that Trevor doesn't think like us and that is why he acts the way he does. He hasn't asked too many questions, but yesterday when Trevor was being really mean he told me, "Trevor has autism (in his funny way of saying it) and that is why he is mean and isnt' part of our family". So obviously something has been lost in the translation somewhere and we need to talk about it some more. So any advice?? I was thinking about how Jordan probably sees through his eyes what Trevor does, and he probably does think of him as just mean and bossy. I don't know how to talk to him in a way he will understand... apparently. Because we have never said he is not part of our family. I don't know how he came to that conclusion, but he did and we need to talk about it. So if you have any ideas, or anything please let us know! I know that it's not something everyone deals with, but what would you do if you had that problem??

And I am also attaching a couple pictures of Josh I took today. He was sick the last couple days and his ears were bothering him a lot. We started him on some motrin and antibiotic drops for his ears and he is doing much better.So today is the first day he has been smiling and laughing.

And that is our family today. Keep the comment coming, we love to hear from everyone!!


Desiree and Lars said...

Hi hun! I know I don't have the experience to be giving advice. But I remember someone saying to talk to them like you would adults. They are smarter than we give them credit for. But even doing that, I'm sure there will be questions that will catch you off guard. You have a perfect motherly instinct for your own kids. And you have the power of revelation. So I'm sure you are saying exactly what you need to. Love you all!

Jared ~n~ Tasha said...

Hey Melissa~ I really admire you and your abilities as a mother! My advice would be to explain to Jordan that there are all types of people in the world and Heavenly Father wanted Trevor and Josh to come to your family because he knew that they would have a brother like HIM to love and help them. If something more than you've already said, needs to be said, it will come to you!

Tanya said...

I'm thinkin' you have great cousins! LOL!
You are right, these are not things most of us have to worry about, but we do still need to teach our children these thigns. Some people use wheelchairs, some people can't see, etc. Everyone is different and some people need more help with things.
I'm not sure I'm saying anything that helps, but in RS today the point came up about going to hte Lord for help with our problems. I agree with what has been said- it will come to you if you ask. :)

nixon5 said...

Yes I am fine just crazy busy week you know those. Thanks. Good luck with everything.

Chan said...

That is such a hard one! Sorry sis, for once I don't know what to tell you. I really like both Desiree and Tasha's advise though. Help him understand he was supposed to be their brother to help them. Maybe he'll feel special and be more willing to work with Trevor when he gets hard. 4 is a tough age since he's old enough that he is starting to understand things, but not understand them to a level that makes sense to them.

Brittany said...

You're doing a great job. I think it's best to keep things simple for kids. Just be honest, and try to put a lot more emphasis on the other two boys strengths. Like how, sweet and good natured Josh is, ect. Maybe give Jordan a special assignment that gives him the opportunity to be a special part of his brothers life.